I went to Divorce Negotiator at a time when my wife and her solicitor were gearing up to do mortal combat and to cost me a fortune.
I was married with two kids, 5 and 6 at the time. Tough ages to rationalise, but they were okay actually.
One thing that my wife and I did agree on was that we would look after the kids so they’ve come through fine.
I’ve seen them every weekend and often take them to school.
My advice would be to ‘play the long game’, that is, I was thinking about the relationship with my kids for the rest of my life so that it’s not sullied. I wanted the best for my kids as opposed to her trying to score points off me.
I moved out of the family home – my ex-wife was out to screw me – divorce was what she wanted. I did not want to get divorced. I gave her the choice to meet Carol – but she preferred to use her lawyer who gave it to a legal assistant who wound her up saying that she could get more. We settled eventually on what was originally offered, but that increased everyone’s costs all the way down the line.
Divorce Negotiator made it clear that it’s much better to sort it out through a negotiated agreement.
Her solicitor treated it as a low cost, high volume business – to and fro with vehement letters. It used to wind me up, but Carol stepped in and really helped me to break through this nonsense with sound practical advice as to how to deal with it.
I can show you the letters her solicitors wrote. Utter nonsense. My wife was taking foreign holidays while I was struggling.
You have to rise above it. I was sucked into the whole emotional side of it, and Carol helped me enormously to come through this and to avoid getting emotional about it.
Your real self is hidden in marriage to a point because you have to rub along – then you need to become a new person. What was going on was a form of bullying, and it does grind you down. Getting over it was an enormous relief. My ex-wife did alright out of this; it was always meant to be fair. She was trying to make it unfair trying to score points over me. It took a long time to sort out.
It can take months if not years to come through the whole thing – don’t underestimate it!
As well as Divorce Negotiator, one other thing that was a brilliant help to me was ‘Time Out for Dads’ and ‘Time Out for Teenagers.’ Good courses run by ‘Positive Parenting’ and these were great courses.