Often people have preconceptions regarding divorce. Whether these are from misinformed friends and relatives or just notions they have overheard. To get true facts, it is always best to speak to a professional rather than that guy in the pub. Here are 5 facts about divorce:
The person who commits adultery will settle for less due to guilt in the 1st year
There are many reasons why adultery happens, which we will go into later. But in the first year of someone admitting adultery comes an enormous amount of guilt. More so, when the offender wants to enter into a long term relationship with their new found love. In order to help that guilt process, they generally walk away with much less of the marital assets than they may otherwise have been entitled to. This is a difficult situation and in the past the innocent party would have been financially compensated for the marriage breaking up. However time has moved on. We now live in a no blame society when dividing up the matrimonial assets. The injured party can become extremely disgruntled with the law. Justice comes in all shapes and sizes and so parties need help in understanding what is fair in these situations.
Men settle for less because they want it over and done with
I don’t want to put anyone in boxes to say that all men do this and all women say that. But there are certain trends that follow in certain circumstances that each gender leans towards. Because men have a wonderful ability to de-compartmentalise when the marriage is over. Some can put it into a box sooner rather than later. In doing so, they often walk away with less of the marital assets. They often want it over and done with. This also may be true when it concerns children. Some men, not all, will agree to see the children less. Because this is what their soon to be ex-wife tells them.
Some fathers have been in the shadow of their wives where the children are concerned and continue to sit back and let life happen. The law states that both parents have equal responsibility for their children. So they may have fallen out of love with their wives but this does not mean they have to take a step back in the lives of their children.
Women believe that they should tell their husbands how to be a father
There is nothing more shocking when a happy couple have a child and then discover they have totally different ways of parenting. This can come to a head during and after the divorce process. Many mums believe their way is right, many dads believe their way is right. The worst thing that can happen, is for either one to tell the other how to be or what to do when they are with the children.
This is why parenting plans are such a vital tool for any divorcing couple to set the ground rules. To compromise on issues, ensure the children develop into strong grounded adults. If you need a parenting plan. One that helps you both bring your children up to grow into grounded, kind, thoughtful adults. Give us a call and we can help with options that are available to you. Only couples who cannot agree on visiting rights and specific issues need go to court. 99% of couples are able to resolve their issues surrounding the children themselves with a parenting plan.
Children grow up more grounded adults if their parents don’t involve them in the divorce and can communicate civilly
You say that you both love your children and don’t deliberately want to hurt them. So don’t discuss anything to do with your divorce with them. This is between you and your spouse. Why should they be involved in your disagreements and forced to take sides.
As a parent, part of your role is to continue educating your children to one day spread their wings and become parents too. We believe the lessons parents are teaching their children when they involve them in divorce is:
- How to argue.
- How to be spiteful.
- How to take sides.
- How to take revenge.
This is not the advice you would be giving them if they were arguing with a child in the playground. So why show them how not to do it?
When a couple get divorced it involves the whole family from young children right up to the grandparents. So make sure your divorce is a civil as it can be, and the children stay out of your disagreement. We have many tips and tools to aid for a peaceful divorce, you just need to pick up the phone and ask us.
You can divorce amicably if you both are prepared to
When we don’t know how to do something, we go and search to find how to do it. For years it’s been believed that in divorce, it is in the best interest of each party to employ someone to fight for their corner. However, history has taught us this is in fact not in the best interest of the divorcing couple, their children or their immediate family.
When couples have children, it must be paramount for them to divorce as amicably as possible. Having someone informing them of their choices of the law, of their financial outcome in the best way possible. We struggle to understand couples who have minimal assets giving tens of thousands of it to their solicitors, when they cannot afford to. Times have changed, the law has changed and mind set has changed. So before you employ someone to fight your corner, get all the facts and options. All the costs and all the time scales and the make up your mind which style of divorce you would prefer.