When you’re going through the divorce process, you will experience many emotions. Sometimes these can all be felt in a short period of time. You can go from being angry to feeling sad and then find yourself laughing uncontrollably. The feeling of fear can be brought on by the more negative emotions you’re experiencing. The three fears people may experience are below:
- The fear of being alone – this can be on many levels and could be the fear of being alone forever and thinking you may never be loved again. It could be the fear that your children will be taken away from you or an overall feeling of rejection.
- The fear of never being happy again – this fear will be more from the grief of your marriage being over and that you can’t see your future without your ex-partner being part of it, remember that happiness comes from within yourself.
- The fear of being poor and sad – fear like this is common if you’re ex-partner provided more than you financially. Or if you were the stay at home parent. You might be incredibly worried about surviving and feel scared about only having your income to live off.
Getting a divorce will turn your world upside down, as well as being a traumatic experience for everyone involved. The three fears above lead to one main fear which is the fear of the unknown. It doesn’t matter whether the divorce was instigated by you. You are still being taken out of what you know and what you thought your future held. The fears are your own thoughts and you are the one that controls them.
Overcoming divorce fears
When you start to feel fear, try stepping out of your comfort zone and face it head on. You’ll be surprised that it’s not as scary as you originally thought. Using the below will help minimise the feeling of fear. Think that Divorce Negotiator are there holding your hand and supporting you.
- Repeat to yourself over and over that your decisions are based on love. Love for yourself, your children and others who may be less fortunate than you.
- Practice living in the present moment. Ask yourself “Are you ok right now?” Utilize your five senses, what do you see, smell, taste, feel and hear? Focus on what’s happening right now, we often fear because we worry about the future and what may or may not happen.
- Analyse your fear. If you’re afraid of being alone, what does that mean to you? Are you really alone when you’re surrounded by loving family and friends? Just because you’re single this does not mean you are alone.
- Your thought process – Accept the worst case scenario, think it through and then if it happens it won’t be so scary.
Think of the best possible outcome from your divorce and create an action plan to help you achieve your new goals.
Some of the above ideas will work for you when you remember you are the one in control of your own thoughts. The feeling of fear are ones you create yourself. Take control and focus on the now. ‘I’m there supporting you’!