The decision to get divorced from your partner is a big one. It is sure to change your life and others’ close to you forever. Negotiation and preparation for divorce are key to a successful divorce. There are various reasons that couples decide to get divorced. The process can be very emotional, but most of all it is personal. Initially the discussion about breaking up will be between you and your partner. Eventually family members and friends will become involved too. It is natural to lean on your friends for advice in tough situations. However, sometimes this can lead to others hearing about your issues and gossip begins to spread. Likewise, breaking news to your children needs time and consideration. It could also lead to others finding out about it quickly.
It is important to be strong during the divorce process and not worry about the thoughts of others. During this time, you may find out who your true friends are. The main thing is that you look after yourself, concentrating on what is best for your future happiness. People love juicy gossip and you are likely to be quizzed by everyone about it, even those you have just met. As news about your divorce spreads, it is likely to bounce around your workplace, community or club you attend. You are likely to be asked invasive, intrusive and upsetting questions. You may also be likely to spill your story and tell every little bit but you have a right to privacy. This includes a responsibility to protect your privacy and reputation.
It may be tempting to tell all, to someone who shows concern in your circumstances. You might feel better to mention the awful thing your partner did, or how they haven’t done much for the children. But that should be your business and yours alone. Instead of telling all, it’s best to say something about it all being a challenge but that every day gets better. In conversations where you feel uncomfortable, try turning the table on those asking to ask how they are and what they have been up to. The main focus of your divorce should be about splitting up amicably and having a fair financial settlement.
Controlling your Emotions
Regarding controlling your emotions keep a mental checklist handy for going into negotiations and although not necessary and a positive attitude would be helpful.
- Is your attitude positive, cautious, negative, hopeful or hopeless?
- Are you angry calm or anxious?
- Do you presume that negotiations are going to go fairly or you think you’ll be screwed over?
- What is your spouse willing to offer or are you going in blind?
- Do you know what you want to offer or do you just want to hear what your spouse has to say and hope for getting them to agree to less?
- Do you know what your tolerance level is for listening to ‘unrealistic demands’?Could you listen without over reacting?
Know your own personal and commutative strengths and weaknesses!
Some people are positive and optimistic by nature. That is helpful, but what if you are not one of those people by nature? There is no need to put a smile on your face if it is not genuine. However, strive to be courteous, pleasant and respectful. If a smile would not be genuine then remember at least not to scowl, glower, shoot daggers, roll your eyes, sneer or snicker.
An important part about attitude is ability to evaluate your own attitude whether it be positive or negative. If you are honest enough with yourself to know that you have a confrontational, negative attitude then put off the negotiations with your spouse until you are feeling more positive about it.
Are you still confused, give Divorce Negotaitor a call on: 0800 177 7702