One of the most invigorating experiences of life is…..Falling in Love. Everybody should experience it at least once in their life. Time and time again you will see the ‘newly-in-love’ couples say that their love will last forever and will often say things like:-
- Both of us are caring people, so our love will last forever
- The love we have for each other is so irreplaceable it will last
- We’ve both had bad relationships before and have learnt from them.
Most of the time this is true but invariably the ‘love-bubble’ does burst and one or both fall out of love with each other.
The first few weeks, months and often years, the first feeling of love is so beautiful. Your stomach feels all knotted, but you don’t mind, your energy levels increase and you suddenly don’t need as much sleep. You can’t wait to see them again, you spend your day talking about them to your friends and quoting what they said. Often friends can get tired of this, but they are pleased to see you happy. Well that is probably all true for women, men of course have a slightly different agenda, this is not bad, merely a fact that women and men look at relationships in a different way.
Men are from Mars
The old saying ‘Men are from Mars Women are from Venus’ is very true, but why does that have to fade? Why can’t it last longer? One of the reasons is because we are at our best when we are in lust. That does have a big part of it. It is not our faults it is all about the testosterone and estrogen, and we have no control over this. But we cannot keep it up and we fall into a place of comfort rather than fashion, Its a bit like wearing really high shoes when we are young which make your legs all shapely and then we fall into the flatter less attractive shoes because it is more comfortable.
No one knows when the lust period will cool off. Most often, it is when we start to live together things become routine. Routine can then turn to monotony. Monotony can then turn to resentment
For women, we believe that our partner should know we are unhappy. They should ask us what is wrong and then we can talk about it. Whereas for a man, and as we know the majority are not great talkers, they go into their man cave. Smiles are removed from our faces and sarcasm can come into play. When we first meet a man and maybe they play football, we go off to watch them. Then consciously or subconsciously, maybe because women don’t truly like football we drift away. When a man first meets a woman on the other hand he agrees to go shopping with her, but after a number of weeks of doing something he doesn’t really enjoy, he consciously or subconsciously looks for other things to do instead.
Back to the old men are from mars, the same words or sentence said by either partner is heard differently by the other. Women says “what did you do today?” Man hears – Tell me everything you did today. Opposite to this, a man asks “what did you do today?” woman hears, “I’m interested in your life and want to know how today was”.
Women are from Venus
A women comes in from work after having a terrible day and tells her husband about it. She merely wants him to listen to her, but his agenda is to solve her problem as he does not like to see her unhappy. When he comes in from work and tells her about his problem, she listens but often doesn’t have the answer he wants. This goes on a number of times and so we stop talking to each other because we feel it is worthless.
A women will say, “you make me feel like this” he replies, “no I don’t”. Time is then spent and often an argument may erupt trying every way possible to get your spouse to see it through their eyes. This is impossible, so please stop now and learn to accept that is the way it is, rather than the way you want it be.
So next time you are in a situation like this, ask your spouse, “What did you just hear?”
So the honeymoon period is over and you have been sleeping next to your partner night after night. Do you remember when you would make love in almost any place possible, and now it is only in the bedroom?
When you moved into your new house, you had to do it in every room, but now it’s only in the bedroom. If I said to you that loving sexual thing he once did, drove you to the most erotic orgasm now annoys you? If he doesn’t try anything new, would it resonate with you? Sex can become boring for women, but not for men and it really is not their fault. Sex means different things to men and women, but we do struggle to understand this. For a man who once was being intimate with you every night is now only intimate with you twice a week or less, is a sign that you don’t love him anymore. Sex does not become boring to a man. You see yourself as tired and unattractive and he still tells you he wants to make love to you. You see him in the same old clothes, unshaven at the weekend and your desire to make love to him diminishes.
So who’s right and who is wrong? And the answer is neither of you. But what we must do, is talk about it before one of you goes astray. Go back to basics and start dating with each other again, get dressed up like you want to impress.
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