Helping Your Children Feel at Home in Two Homes

Children Feel at Home in Two Homes

When one of you decide to move into your own home, the changes to your children’s lives will be big.  The change may not be taken well.  We all would like situations to stay the same, but sadly, this is a part of life.  Explaining this to your children will help them through the upcoming changes.

The biggest amendment to your children’s lives will be both parents not being with them at the same time.  Children will miss playing with you, chatting and your general presence.  Over time, it will get easier and they will love the quality time they get to spend with you and feel more connected.

When there are two homes for your children to live in, their schedules will obviously alter.  It is important to try and keep your routines similar in both homes as well as the rules.  This is so the children understand what is expected of them so there is no confusion between the two homes.

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A Schedule is Important

With your children having two homes you will need to be organised and understand that having a schedule is important. Your children will have questions relating to schedules.  So make sure you know the answer to these when asked, some examples of questions are:

  • Who is taking picking us up?
  • Where are we going?
  • What time are we getting picked up and dropped off?
  • What do I need to take?

You will need to be organised about appointments your children may have such as parent’s evenings, doctors, dentist as both parents need to be aware and possibly attend. Be aware of any hobbies or social commitments the children have, such as football practice, dancing and parties etc.  You will be expected to help your children honour these.

It can be upsetting when you forget an important event that your children have been looking forward to.  So have a calendar to record these, your children will also find the calendar helpful so they are aware of events too.

Useful Tip – Talk to your children and ask about their hobbies and social commitments so you’re paying an interest in their lives and put the dates on the calendar together.

Special Occasions

When you move into your new home you will share the time you spend with your children, this may include special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas and school holidays.  It’s normally agreed between parents who have the children each year for each occasion  Explain this to the children so they understand that they won’t see the other parent for certain traditions.

Traditions you may have repeated over the years with your children for certain occasions may not be the same.  This could be upsetting for the children at first.  Over time, the children will see the positives when they realise they get to celebrate certain occasions with each parent as well as starting new traditions.

Useful Tip – Help your children remember what they need to bring with them each time by making a checklist, this way the children won’t forget anything and have all their home comforts with them each time.

New Way of Living

When you and your children feel at home and settled in the new way of living, it does not mean that there won’t be times of sadness for all of you.  You are sure to miss certain aspects of your old life with both parents in the same home.  Make sure you are making time for your children as well as doing the other tasks you never needed to do due to them being split between two parents in one home.

When you decide to start dating, you will need to have a conversation with your children.  They will have mixed emotions and even questions about your new romantic partner.  So be prepared to answer these, examples are:

  • Are you looking for a new family?
  • Will they now be living with us?
  • Are they my new mummy or daddy?
  • Will they take you away from us?

Useful Tip – Keep your time with your children separate to your new partner so the children don’t feel they have less time with you.

Helping Your Children Feel at Home in Two Homes was last modified: July 31st, 2019 by Carol Sullivan
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