Avoid the criticism mistake
Divorce should be planned just like a marriage if you want to come out with your sanity intact.
At the beginning of a marriage, your spouse is your best friend and you share most everything with them. The early love is exciting and exhilarating, nothing can get in the way. But time, stress, life changes all pay a toll on us and our partners and the relationship changes. I often wonder if women were more like men or the other way around would our relationships stand the test of time. Men are better at DE-compartmentalising and stay quiet more often than not (please trust me I am not saying always). But women like to let our partners know how we feel. How we would like them to do things around the house; What to spend their money on; How many pints to drink.
In my experience, I have only found out what annoys my other half when I have criticized him for not doing something. He then feels he has to retaliate and throws one of my misgivings at me. I have said so many times, I hate tit for tat. But he doesn’t. But I know if I had not said what I had said, he would not have felt the need to return with my annoyance to him. So I am trying to DE-compartmentalise too now.
If you are going to get divorced, then make sure you have planned it right for everyone to come out the best they can. Your in-law may still need to be in your life, parents still need to be in children’s lives. Did you know that children become are more grounded when their divorced parents were still able to talk?
Here at Divorce Negotiator, we are passionate about helping people and so we are offering you a sounding board to ensure that you avoid the pitfalls that so many others have suffered. We are here to listen and we don’t charge to listen so why not call today and put one step in place.
Talking to your friends about your plans to divorce
Why do we talk to people more about what has gone in our marriage than what has gone right? This applies more to women than to men. I believe that most men feel, a problem shared is someone else knows my business.
Women need to get things off their chest and they do this by telling friends and family what their spouse has done wrong. Is this to get advice?
Is it to see if your relationship is ‘normal’? What do we want from it? Do we want advice or just someone to listen to us?
Our friends and family are bound to be biased more often than not. Here you are sobbing about how he has disappointed you again. Friends or family do not like to see you upset, so often they say things that you may take on board. However, they may be just adding fuel to the simmering fire.
Ask yourself: “Why am I telling them this, what do I hope to achieve?” perhaps it is because you need sympathy or because you need to know if you are being a fool. We all want to make sure we are ‘normal’ in the eyes of the world.
If you are going to get divorced then make sure you have planned it right for everyone to come out the best they can. Your in-law may still need to be in your life, parents still need to be in children’s lives. Did you know that children become are more grounded when their divorced parents were still able to talk?
We are here to listen and we don’t charge to listen so why not call today and put one step in place.