A selection of stories, based (loosely) on the stories clients tell us.
The other woman – His story
I remember the first time I saw her across the dance floor, long brown wavy hair. A big smile and a beautiful figure. I walked across the dance floor and asked if she’d like a drink. Then two years later we were married. Life was good for a while, then came daughter no 1, Sarah was her name. Well, all men know that life will be different, but just how different could not have been envisaged.
It started with tiredness, she couldn’t help that. Sarah waking her two, sometimes three times at night. I went to work at 7.30 when my beautiful wife was now looking less than beautiful. A dressing gown that had seen better days. Baby food and vomit on the shoulder. Her hair always scrapped of her face and tied back.
By the evening when I got home, the dinner was often not prepared due to bath times. My wife looking similar to the way she had looked in the morning, only jogging bottoms and a T-shirt. She asked me about my day but never listened to the answer. I asked her about her’s but she never really said a lot. By 9 pm she was in bed so I normally cooked my own dinner. Not that I minded, we had both had a hard day. 12 months later she announces we’re having another baby. Bloody miracle, I thought seeing the number of failed attempts we had at lovemaking with baby crying, her being too tired, my sexual desire diminishing with the smell of baby on her hair or clothes. However, no. 2 was on its way.
Sure I still looked at other women
Sure I still looked at other women, what man doesn’t, but looking doesn’t hurt, it’s natural. Then my job changed, a sort of promotion but without all the perks. More hours, more trips abroad, not much more money.
I was away in Germany for two days when one of the women from the 1st-floor office was also there. She walked past me and the smell of her perfume neatly bowled me over. It was so lovely because it was the same as my wife’s. Only I couldn’t remember the last time I had smelt it on her. Perhaps she had run out, so I made a conscious decision to buy her some from duty-free on my way home. Anyway, this young lady and I got chatting in the bar that night and before I knew it, it was 2 am. Wow, I can’t remember the last time the wife and I chatted for that long or for that late.
I didn’t see her again until two weeks later at the Christmas party. Oh, I did give my wife the perfume, but she told me she doesn’t wear it anymore. So at the Christmas party we got chatting again and once again it was a late one. When I got home, the wife was asleep. The next morning I was awake before the alarm and was looking forward to going to work. I realised I was also looking forward to seeing the lady who worked on the first floor. In fact, to my disappointment she never turned up for work, something about her Mum being taken ill but I was sorry she wasn’t in.
I was going to see if she wanted a quick drink before we left for the Christmas break. On my way home that night, it struck me, that I was going to take another woman out for a drink. Would I have told my wife? would I keep it a secret? Would I tell her anything? She hardly notices me these days. I, the one who puts the bins out, pay the bills, gets up to do the early morning feed on the weekend.
I missed the birth of our son due to work commitments in Germany and my son bring a month premature. He was a very sickly child and took up twice as much of my wife’s time than Sarah did.
Some weeks later, I saw the lady on the 1st floor standing at the bus stop looking a bit upset. I pulled over and asked if she wanted a lift. She got in and I drove her home. She was upset, her mother had passed away a couple of weeks earlier, and she heard a song that reminded her. She asked me in for coffee and stupidly I went. Inside her house and WOW she appeared to pounce on me.
Her lips hot and tender, her heart beating in time with mine. I loved every second of that kiss and think there must have been about 60 of them when she pulled away and apologised. Next, we were lying in bed having just had the best sex ever. Guilt hit in the minute I realised I had to go. I was hours late and had left my phone in the car.
There were four missed calls when I got to the car. Shit shit shit! What was gonna say? Hi darling, sorry I’m late I just had great sex with the girl who works on the first floor. No, that wasn’t gonna be it. Think think think. Nothing was coming to mind. Tell her the truth! No, don’t! It was a one-off, she never needs to know. I don’t want to hurt her, I love my wife. I did make some terrible excuse up about my battery being flat, and my boss wanted a meeting and how sorry I was.
Then suddenly I thought the smell of her on me and made some excuse why I had to go and shower and change. All night I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about the sex I had just had. I looked across the sofa at my wife and I tried to remember the last time she had actually wanted sex with me? It was that long ago. Oh, of course, I had wanted it, I’m a man for Christ sake. It comes with the territory of having a dick. We can’t help it, God gave us testosterone and we need sex. I will never understand why women can’t get their heads around this fact of life. We don’t choose to be this way, we just are. In the same way, women don’t choose to go through the menopause, it is just a fact of life. In bed that night, I lay there thinking about passionate kissing, so I rolled over to kiss my wife but she said she was too tired because the children had been demanding that day. She lay on her side and I lay on mine and never the twain did meet.
Having that encounter made me want it more. I knew it was wrong, but what’s a man supposed to do, a wife that doesn’t want sex and the women on the 1st floor who does. What harm can it do? It’s a win-win. Wife need never know. I’ve seen this with some of my friends and work colleagues and I saw the mistakes they made. I’m different and won’t make those mistakes. 6 months it went on for, then one day I heard ” I love you” oh shit. I was not expecting that. Love? I might love. I definitely love the sex. But love is a big thing. I have a wife and two children. I can’t leave them, they need me. I didn’t say it back, I couldn’t. Every time we made love after that she said it. “I love you”. Christ, I think she wants me to say it back now. I do have feelings for her, I do but this was just meant to be fun.
I’m at a crossroad
Now I’m at a crossroad and need to break it up. We talked for while, along the lines of, where to go from here? I explained my feelings for her, but told her I couldn’t leave my wife and children. She said she understood and we agreed it had to end. As I drove home, I was saddened that I would never make love with her again and in another way, I felt relief. Walking through the front door listening to the children laughing in the bath made me smile. I will never forget the woman who worked on the first floor but I never went there again.
My worry, however, was what if one day my wife found out. If I told her now, would she forgive me? OK, it would take a while, but would that be better. Sort of, get it over and done with. Or was I just wanting to offload my guilt. On the other hand, if she found out years later she would question everything and think I had lied but other matters. Stuck between a rock and hard place. Best I say nothing.
Looking back now I think the problem, not her’s or mine but ours was we stopped communicating.
If this situation feels familiar, and you would like to talk about divorce, then please contact us on 0800 177 7702.