A selection of stories, based (loosely) on the stories clients tell us.
Life after Cancer – His Story
42 years we were together, then came the dreaded cancer. Three years she suffered before she passed away. I loved her with all my heart so why after 6 months of her death had I moved in with someone other woman?
It was exciting at first, we had sex every day. If you have ever lived with someone with cancer for a long time you’ll appreciate that sexual relations between you both stops. Yes, we still cuddled and kissed, but definitely no intercourse. So now getting it everyday was great. I had also gone out of my way to find someone completely different to my wife, and she was. My wife was soft and unassuming and now my new lady was outspoken and cocky. I found it quite a turn on to start with. I stopped smoking because she didn’t like the smell. I stopped watching sport because she didn’t like it. I told myself I wasn’t bothered. Her cooking was a bit unusual too, but coming from a life of meat potatoes and two veg, the change was quite nice. Not everything tasted nice but it was different. We had only been together 6 months when the sex slowed down or/and she would sleep in the small room. I had nowhere to run. I’d sold my home, gambled some of the money and lent some to friends, £30k interest-free over two years. I didn’t have enough to buy anything of my own, and I wanted to start a new life. So out with the old life was gone and in with new was gone too.
Gradually, I started to see her for what she was, but not before I stupidly married her. Can’t even remember why I did. But I did. The wedding was ok, but if I listen to the story from my guests point of view, it was bad. I couldn’t invite the only true friends I had, because my friends and my lady had fallen out. I was banned from talking to them and as I was a weak person, I obeyed.
Some may call it weak, others may say I did it for an easy life. We married in October, at which time I was smoking again and hiding it from her. I even smoked at the wedding without getting caught. Surely she could smell it but never said a word. By July, having spent six weeks on my own, because she was spending her days at her flat by the sea, I decided to throw in the towel. Strangely enough, she suggested going to marriage guidance. I had also started gambling again, and so attended gamblers anonymous.
Anything that happened was always about her. She was the victim that was married to a gambler. If I had one too many, which wasn’t often, she was the victim who lived with an excessive drinker. Because she wasn’t around much, and because she never got up before 10 am, I took golf up again. And went from a handicap of 20 to an 8. Shows how much I played.
I was retired now and she helped me spend my redundancy and a lump sum tax-free pension. I usually got up at 6, arrived at the club by 6.30. T-off at 7 and so would usually be home by 11.30. Anyway the long and short of it, was she was a liar. She lied about her business, her qualification, her past relationships, her friendships. Yes, she was a compulsive liar. She owed me a lot of money, and so it was agreed the cottage had to be sold. She asked if I would stay until the sale went through. I agreed, but then realised, it was so overpriced it would never sell. I also left it to her which was another daft move.
One day, she told me that there would be four viewings on the Saturday. When I rang the agent, they told me, they had left messages for her but she never returned their call. So there were no viewings. I did eventually ,move out because I had been in touch with my friends for a few months before I got caught. Unbeknown to me, she had my phone on the same account and tracked me at their house telling me never to come back again. I did, of course, to collect my stuff. I moved in with my sister and her husband for a while.
I realize now that I was on the rebound after the death of my wife. I think that I should of mourned first my wife in a completely different way. Jumping into a new relationship after six months would have been disrespectful. But I had lived with that cancer three times over 20 years and had come to terms with losing her many times. This is no excuse and no reason. I am what I am. Have I stopped jumping in with both feet too early? No, I met an Italian lady in February or March, we met again a month later on another holiday and by September I was moving to Italy. Wish me luck.
If this situation feels familiar, and you would like to talk about divorce, then please contact us on 0800 177 7702.