Tips for dads going through a Divorce. – This is the second in a series of blog posts to help dads get through a divorce, starting from the very beginning.
The months of the divorce process can be an extremely traumatic time. Having to collate paperwork, get house valuations, pension valuations, decide on living arrangements can seem like a never-ending task.
It’s at this point when you and your wife start thinking how your marital assets should be divided. If solicitors are involved, then keeping things amicable is probably very difficult. They like to build up animosity and tell their represented client they “should” get the majority of the assets.
Differences between men and women
At this time, men and women really show their differences. Women are much better at keeping in touch with friends, making new friends and generally more social. In a marriage, the social life of the couple is more often than not down to the wife. When a divorce is on the horizon, women will surround themselves with love and empathy. They get friends and family to listen to their tales of woe. The divorce will be the topic of conversation for months.
Men handle things differently. Some men may mention their divorce to friends as a side topic of conversation. Some don’t want to go into every intricate detail that women will spend hours discussing. When a man is going through a divorce, he may receive a call from a friend offering a drink; he will quite often decline, as he feels that he doesn’t want sympathy. Don’t see it as Sympathy; it probably isn’t meant that way. Appreciate that friend as someone in whose life you are important. That’s a good thing!
Women also appear to better at taking time out for themselves. When going through a difficult time in their life, they will often take a trip, go for mediation or have a spa treatment. Men will throw themselves into work, thinking that they are in control of at least one thing in their life. Don’t, Do things you like doing, sit down and read a book if that is what helps you, watch the football or rugby, visit your friends and family. Even taking your mind of divorce and work for 30 minutes will make you feel so much better.
Custody of children
The biggest heartache to prepare yourself for is living apart from your children. Although people say that things are equal now, the vast majority of children will have Mum as the primary carer. You may feel, the children should live with you; then it will take a lot of persuasions to get the judge to agree with you. Only about 20% of fathers receive sole custody. But what is happening more and more is parents are living close by each other so they can share the time with children. There are studies which show, children that spent equal time with both parents grew up to be much more rounded adults. (I don’t mean overweight) I mean mentally and stability
The courts are looking for the best interests of the children, so living in the same area as before, going to the same school are things taken into consideration. Children may tell you where they want to live.
Some mothers believe they play the predominant role in a child’s upbringing, so automatically want custody. However, Fathers 4 Justice has raised the issue of equal rights for fathers. Courts are starting to consider custody for fathers more favorably now, and claim it is our society that is biased towards the mother.
Keep things amicable
At this difficult time, emotions can get the better of people. But try to keep communications with your soon to be ex as amicable as possible. Anger will only cause further animosity and may cost you more financially and emotionally in the long term.
When communicating with your wife, bite your lip before responding angrily. Take a moment, and if your response is likely to have two meanings. Rephrase it. Even text and email can read with an angry tone. We have some useful tips on how to say things if you would like us to send them to you.
If both parties can agree between themselves how the separation is going to work regarding the children, the house, etc., then the legal costs are kept to a minimum. Divorce Negotiator is a specialist in this field, as we can assist one or both parties. We help you reach an outcome that is acceptable to both parties at a much lower cost than two opposing solicitors.
For further help, contact us on 0880 177 7702 or contact us