Many married couples will come to the inevitable conclusion that divorce is the best solution for their future. The idea of a broken home is also difficult to come to terms with. However, being happy after divorce is far better than being unhappy without a divorce.
When deciding on a divorce, a big added worry is how it will affect the children. The thought of telling your children that you are going to get divorced, is enough to stop some people from going through with it. Nevertheless, what happens if you persevere with your unhappy marriage for a long period of time? This could affect your health, if deep down, you don’t want to be with someone trying to suppress negative feelings. Therefore, telling the children is a barrier that has to be overcome. But with the clear message that this divorce is better for all the family in the long term, will hopefully give you the courage to overcome this barrier.
Honeymoon period over
At the time that you got married, you may not have had children and enjoyed the time you had together. Once the honeymoon period is over, you were both excited about having children and when the time came, you were determined to be perfect parents. You may even have vowed not to repeat your own parents’ mistakes, especially if they got divorced. If you have children before marriage then your relationship would have reached a different stage as parents first but perhaps married life changes things for the worse.
With the promises you both make, consider everything you have said to your children along the way. Perhaps they approached you as a small child, concerned that their friend’s parents are separating and worried that you would do the same. Your words have a powerful and lasting effect on your child and certain things will stick in their mind. So when the time comes to tell them, they will resurrect your promise and question you about it.
Firstly, it’s important to consider the short term effects. Will your children fully understand? Are they likely to rebel? Some children may even refuse to believe it and bury their emotions. Teenagers in particular may turn angry and rebel, disagreeing with anything either of you says. If you have a strategy in place for dealing with the divorce and the arrangements for childcare following it, then at least they are aware of a new routine.
Turn negatives into positives
In the long term, your child will grow up and your relationship with them will evolve further. Some say they have never been the same since the devastation of their parents’ divorce, while others believe it’s the best thing that happened to them.
Divorce brings with it negative feelings but in the long term, your decision to divorce sooner rather than later, enables the future to be brighter. As a parent, you must turn the negatives into positives, whenever possible. You need to acknowledge the sad feelings your child is bound to experience. Try to focus on how they will see the benefits in the future.
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