The Divorce Season
So Christmas is over and for some it was lovely. For others it was stressful and wishing the days away for the holiday period to end.
We are always contacted over Christmas (the divorce season), often on Christmas day and this year was no exception.
A lady called to say that she had just discovered her husband was having an affair with the neighbour next door. It had been going on for some months and as you can imagine, their Christmas day was not a happy one. I wondered how they managed to hide this from the children! What a difficult situation.
As with most people who have children, mortgages and debts. One huge concern, as all these things run through your mind, is, how am I going to manage? How am I going to afford to live? What’s going to happen to the children? How will the children cope? And so on and so on. The thoughts are endless.
I sat and listened to her for half an hour, her emotions were running high. Sometimes anger and then tears.
I have found that when something is so raw it is best not to give too much advice. They will not take it all in, won’t remember everything you have said, and misinterpreted either in their favour or worse, going away and telling their spouse something that really is not correct.
It is better to talk to a Negotiator
This is why it is better to talk to the negotiator together, that way, there can be no, he said, she said,
When one enquires, they of course only want to know at this stage, what are THEIR rights.
I felt that it was best to let her talk, I gave her the basics,
- She would not have leave the home if they could afford for her to stay there.
- The starting position in any divorce of 15 years is a 50/50 basis but it then moves like a pendulum depending on the different circumstances of each couple.
- That at this stage is was best to not make rash decisions.
- That the law would not give her a larger share of the asset as a punishment to him for breaking the marriage up.
- That we needed to look at how best they could split the finances, how to get a property for the husband as well with the assets they had.
- How to ensure not to involve the children.
An appointment was made for the three of us to meet.