Okay, let’s just get something straight. Sadly, when a relationship breaks up, it’s usually instigated by one person, so the other one is going to feel hurt or angry because they feel betrayed by the one who instigates the split.
A lot depends on why someone decides to leave their partner. If it’s because they’ve fallen for someone else, then there’s no way of avoiding the bitterness that will probably follow. The person left behind will feel rejected and, unless they have the hide of a rhinoceros, they’ll probably feel bitter because their partner chose someone else over them. The longer the relationship, the harder it is for the one left behind to accept, especially when there’s children or property involved too.
If the split is due to incompatibility, it may be a lot easier to be amicable, but only if you both agree that you’re doing the right thing. Whilst some people can see the sense in ending a relationship because they’re constantly arguing with their partner, they might hate the idea of being alone even more. On these occasions, associations like ‘Relate’ can be very helpful, and even if they can’t stop a couple breaking up, they can act as impartial arbitrators to make the situation more acceptable to everyone involved.
Perhaps life has become boring, or maybe lacking in passion, so someone wants to break free from their partner in the hope they might revive their ‘joy de vive’ with someone else. As with the above, the chances of this scenario ending amicably are nigh on impossible, because one of you is still getting left behind. Telling someone you love them, just not in the way you think you should, doesn’t help. It leaves them with a sliver of hope that you might get back together again at some point in the future, which isn’t fair. It’s always better to make a clean break, and not prolong the agony for those left behind.
Rejection brings out the worst in all of us. It leaves someone in a place where they either have to fight back to try and retain their dignity, or makes them disappear into a self-manifested depression. This makes the word ‘amicable’ hard to use, especially if the one left behind falls into the easy trap of badmouthing their ex and trying to get their own back by any means they can. With social media being such an important part of many people’s lives, it’s an easy way to try and wreak havoc after a couple split up. If you want to keep it amicable, then confine your complaints about your ex to true and real friends. At least that way, things aren’t said and done that can never be reversed.
In the case of a divorce, a fair financial distribution can make the word ‘amicable,’ a lot easier to say! For further information or to have a confidential discussion about your situation, please telephone 0800 177 7702 (freephone) or email firstname.lastname@example.org