Modern communication tools make it easier for people to get in touch with one another, and while on the surface one would think this might help people, it can make a bad situation much worse.
The challenge that most high conflict divorced or divorcing parents have with one another is that they do not how to produce communication that is not insulting in some way, even when they do not mean to, and they do not know how to receive communication without feeling insulted in some way, even when none was intended.
Co-parents should actually communicate with as few words as are needed to solve a problem, or communicate important information.
Don’t DO: Our Boys have been chosen as class representatives after a long and successful campaign where I helped them with their speeches and made the buttons which they distributed as part of their respective campaigns.
I am proud to say they will be honoured at a cupcake ceremony in the school auditorium on January 17th at 8:30 AM. I am hoping we can be civilized to one another so as not to ruin the boys’ morning. I know I can be.
Better to say/write…
The boys have been elected class representatives so I am passing along that there will be a ceremony in the school auditorium on January 17th at 8:30AM. I am sure the kids would love seeing us both there.
Problems with the DON’T DO communication…
• it is boastful and the receiver of the communication might interpret that it is meant to say that the sender does expend enough effort with the children.
• similar with saying “I” am proud — parents should also not refer to the children as “my” children, a mistake this parent avoided in line one
• the line that “hopes” to have civilized contact is passive aggressive, and high conflict co-parents should not give each other advice on how to behave, rather they should show their own offers of good faith
Remember! communication is good but the correct way to communicate is just as important.
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