Ten golden rules for divorce

1.      Face to face communication

When divorce is on the agenda for couples to discuss, the power of face to face communication is often overlooked. Couples will often live separately at this time and find it easier to just communicate by text or email but this can lead to further problems if arguments break out and what you say by text could be misinterpreted. Meeting face to face helps to deepen understanding and see the body language of the other person.

 

2.      Don’t try to change their ways.

You may have gone through the marriage hoping to one day change the ways of your partner but for some people change may never happen. There may be good reasons for them to change, i.e. alcoholism or an aggressive attitude. However, once you’ve decided to divorce, you are not obliged to play a firm role in their life anymore.

 

3.      Don’t let trivial things become big issues.

There may be many arguments spawning from every direction when you are going through the divorce process but the important thing is to settle these as soon as possible. When there is negative energy, you may find that the smallest thing can trigger another argument, like being frustrated with a bad habit they have.

 

4.      Don’t get distressed if you think you’ve made a mistake.

Divorce is a big decision but getting to that stage has to involve discussions with both of you. Whether it is committing adultery or the decision to divorce that you feel you’ve made a mistake with, the key things is to not get too distressed by it. Whatever the situation, there is a way of resolving it with the best solution.

 

5.  Get support from family and friends.

As you get busy organising a divorce and planning ahead, you are likely to need a helping hand and family and friends close by can be a godsend. It may be that you have no time to do the shopping or need someone to watch the kids while you go about your business and calling someone you trust can make a difference.

 

6.      Make the most of your friends.

Good friends will see you through thick and thin. If you are feeling depressed and need a shoulder to cry on, a friend can do so much to give you a boost. In the same way, they can help pick you back up and get you back on track with support and advice.

 

7.      Accept that it’s time to move on.

Divorce can be a big subject to digest and fully understand the impact on your life and your family. It’s not something that you can deal with overnight, it will take time but the best advice would be to put it behind you and look to the future.


8.      Be polite and friendly.

Being surrounded by negativity can alter your own personality to be more defensive and aggressive. Despite the stress of the situation, being polite and friendly will keep things amicable between you and your partner. It will also make you feel better about discussing the situation with others.


9.      Laugh together.

Laughter is often the best medicine and if you can laugh together with your partner about the whole thing then it will lift the atmosphere. Having a good laugh with a friend can also help your mood.


10.  Don’t look back in anger.

Holding a grudge against someone because of their actions is not good for your mental health. Having anger inside can harm your health and if you can let it go then you can move on quicker. What’s done is done and the past cannot be changed.

 

For further information or to have a confidential discussion about your situation, please telephone 0800 177 7702 (freephone) or email info@divorcenegotiator.org.uk 

Jon Exton 

Ten golden rules for divorce was last modified: May 23rd, 2018 by Carol Sullivan
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